Humor and Health

Jokes

Animal Testing

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. -- A bit of Fry and Laurie.

Cicumcision

A woman came into my office to schedule a circumcision for her husband.  After the procedure, she questioned, "Are you sure he won't have no babies now?"

"Mrs. X., he had a circumcision, not a vasectomy."

"Damn! That's the word I was looking for." (From Weekly Medical Bloopers - March 9)

Overheard Policeman

"A cops dream, a shoot out in a donut shop" as the cop picked up a donut during the murder investigation.  From the TV show Mike Hammer.

Therapy

After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said No hablo ingles. - Ronnie Shakes

Top 10 Reasons Why You Won't Be Hired

by the class of December 1995 management class—Baptist Memorial Healthcare System School of Professional Nursing (Susie Gerfers, Sheila McCreight, Joyce Untal) quoted in Journal of Nursing Jocularity
10. You list Jack Kevorkian, MD as a reference.
9. You breast feed your baby during the interview.
8. While observing a trauma case in the ER, you ask repeatedly, "What is that red stuff?"
7. On your résumé you state your personal goal is to make "jaundice" an official Crayola color.
6. When asked, "What are your future goals?" your response is, "To win the lottery."
5. You list San Antonio State Hospital as your permanent address.
4. You proudly show the nurse manager your tattoo that reads, "Licensed to kill."
3. During the interview your nose runs and you wipe it with your tongue instead of a tissue.
2. While volunteering for the suicide hotline you replace the traditional elevator music with the song "Jump" by Van Halen.
1. You tell the nurse manager you don't believe in wasting narcotics.

Vegetarian

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.   -- A. Whitney Brown

Weird Nursing Tales - collection of Nursing humor.

For more information please call Dan Swanson at 972-458-7878 or email him at: Dan_Swanson@prevention.net

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